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Fractured Mind

Fractured Mind

...losing the relation to people.
they all are there but not present.
retreated in my shell
clouds overcame my soul - I am not alone.
my mind scatters into fragments...antipoles!

why would I destroy what I need most
possessed by the urge to cause damage?
...just to feel deprivation...
yearning for melancholy I feel the wounds of happiness
- in every sunshine there's the darkness of rememberance

it must be done, cannot close my eyes before the truth.
a final burst of farewell had to come.
blinded by self-delusion the decision seems so clear.

my fractured mind finds no answers in this disorder.
everything fades away, it's so meaningless.
my fractured mind finds no answers in this disorder.
everything fades away, it's so meaningless.

two faces, fighting beneath the surface
- it's not too late, still can I change my fate.
betray myself, betray the ones who trust me
- lost the way!

why? 
I stuck this knife into my heart. the pain tells me that 
it was wrong. I cut myself so unexpectedly and now
return into an empty life.

my fractured mind finds no answers in this disorder.
everything fades away, it's so meaningless.

many have shared my way, yet I went astray all alone.
talking to myself and to the mute walls around me,
playing songs for noone all alone.
a madman in a cell, each day one step further to disruption,
drifting deeper down into this hell.

regret fills the retrospection, burned everything down 
for nothing. memories of laughter reappear, salvation is so 
close - laughter in memories - explore the other side,
blitheness at hand, the blessing in disguise stands out 
in the focus of silent hours to rectify the course of events.

restlessly isolated in my mental cage, revived feelings that 
are numb most of the time. almost deprived of what's 
essential to me - it's not too late, still can I change my fate.

my fractured mind finds no answers in this disorder.
everything fades away - is this all so meaningless?
obscure means condense, allowing the fragments to merge.

sleepless nights of contemplation, can I tear down the walls 
around me? a psychological experiment... once more I've dared 
to be the fool. all my life I've been waiting for a final solution,
maybe unable to see it when it's come.

Darkness

darkness, light for my soul, shine on me!
hide the world's malice.
darkness, bringer of enlightenment remedy my discordance!

I smother my turmoil in a callous embrace.
the last twilight of the setting sun, narrowed down by an obstructive halo,
releasing one last glare of vital sparks, and spares a surging billow of soothing darkness
that surrounds me with comfort.

only absence of light they see. incomplete, negative,
a projection of their inner being they fear.

darkness, light for my soul, shine on me!
hide the world's malice.
darkness, bringer of enlightenment remedy my discordance!

proceeding, I can't see 
the chasms lurking for me.
wrapped in obscurity
I maintain my jollity.
till I fall everything is right.

no glances striking me, I sneak past the hazards between reality and imagination,
facing the inner tangle alone unaffected by anyone.

expanding my senses to stabilize the mental reactor,
find answers to the automatic questions
or at least a reason to face the coming day, a journey towards decay.

isolation liberates,
converges the thoughts.
- evolve awareness, confine vision to the essence.

I plunge into the ego's dephts to master the chaos and keep resolve. strength grows from rubble I arise!
the darkness, mirror for everything I am shows me the thread. directions appear out of the clearing fog.

darkness, light for my soul, shine on me!
hide the world's malice.
darkness, bringer of enlightenment remedy my discordance!

no glances striking me in the darkness!

Silent Hours

a setting to think, recreation from mankind's pestering:
reach out through the thin boundaries, enter creation. 
spaces created by insight: another world, another being, 
dismal thoughts enlight the darkness - mirror of my soul.
a pleasant site in solitude, manifesting here before my eyes.

abandoned places, timeless beauty in decay: silence, cold hospitality unveiled.
fragments conveyed into the pale grim place called realness.

silent hours, misty times: a forge for my mind. thoughts are drifting past, floating between inner and outer worlds. 
seas of time disperse. departure to the vertex of existence in an absent state

searching for a change, another one's reality, a leave to a dream that can't be real.

roaming the slopes of imagination: a walk inside the mind, frequently desired leave free from molestation.
unable to stay in paleness: creation in dungeons, foresee the tombstones of coming awareness.
keep the verve to deny: elude enslavement by a world that's not mine.

I cannot stay! leave to find myself, find redemption, find the links behind the canvas.

silent hours, misty times: a forge for my mind. thoughts are drifting past, floating between inner and outer worlds.
seas of time disperse. departure to the vertex of existence in an absent state

illusions, source of reality, brick in the walls of conscience, lead me away, lead me astray.
many hours passed, days of stasis left me now.

transcendency - in realness I'm condemned to stay. seas of time disperse while my mind returns.
abandoned places: timeless beauty in decay, silence, cold hospitality unveiled.

Eternal

gone is the time of discovery, the cornerstone for me now.
lost the chances, unchangeable carved in history all mistakes, never unrecollected.

strange ways of life dispel death
and I'm going mine neglecting the uselessness.
in the silence reverberates a lullaby of defeat.

here I am at the shore: a sad glance at the ocean that will never be gone
eternal movement, eternal return.
I will go on although I have to see that my own life is so much shorter
and I'm looking at the red dot that once was the sun, unable to change my fate.

aging idols surrender to time, lose their fire, daze their rage, adapt to necessities,
so do I, like rocks triturated to smooth sand.

objectives slither away, forever threatened by expiration.
after searching for a lifetime lie rotten on a mountain of experiences.

here I am at the shore: a sad glance at the ocean that will never be gone.
eternal movement, eternal return.
I have to go on although I see that my life is so much shorter
and I'm looking at the red dot that once was the sun unable to change my fate.

a long way, gone through devastation of my mind, a long way to be here.
the coming course remains covered.

many stones are spread on every step I take, fleeting encounters.
life goes by in time lapse, myself going by, a moment in unending time, indifferent.

unperturbed I follow the everlasting road that passes the travelling.
destinations and traces forever unknown, hidden in the plan.
eternal

Daydreaming

I will be lost, far from this world's grief. locked in a loop of thoughts that feeds itself.
joy grows from a dream of relief, wafts past like a summer draught - yet another leave.

continue to live in utopia, where all wishes come true. shape this creation of my thoughts.
reality is mine, I am god.

the hours pass in my absence. return is unshirkable, find the verve to continue life.
still there are the last fading strands, a painting of what might be in another world,
another reality... that flickers.

continue to live in utopia, where all wishes come true. shape this creation of my thoughts.
reality is mine, I am lost.

dreaming... rain is coming down, thoughts combine to dreams of bliss.
I am drifting away on futile illusions of happiness...
dreaming of the sea, days under the blue sky.

Departure

never becomes real!

a cold place, a cold heart, numb ways leading on through years of winter.
an apparitional figure appearing out of cloudy darkness - ambassador of the future.
"tell me if there's an arrival, tell me if summer will return?
tell me: where's the sun gone?"

frozen scenes contain me as a motionless picture, colours fade.
what's the setting of this awakening?

departure - leaving contentment - transition to misery.
departing for contempt, stability crumbles.

coldness creeps into me, feelings swatted by functional relations.
time spent in a blister of despair created an empty shell.
love is a faded memory, too noble for human beings,
the light has gone out.

silence...

beloved ones taken away from my life, erosion to me. he remains silent.

departure - leaving contentment - transition to misery.
departing for contempt, stability crumbles.

the suffering will not leave, evolutionary scourge.
defective mass - me now untouched even by that.

going backwards in time the mind returns to the source of the memories.
past them, erase it, backwards to inexistence.
"tell me why I have to be, tell me what would it have changed?
tell me: where's the time gone?"

flickering past... would I have accepted this future if I had known?
"what - tell me what would it have changed?"

- in silence he leaves -

flickering past... would I have fled this future if I had known?

departure - leaving contentment - transition to misery.
departing for contempt, stability crumbles.

 

Static Voyage

repulsion from the flow of time holding sway, memories proceed, abhorrent trails,
compulsive pursuit of lost aims. attempting to mend the sinking ship in increasing disarray.

let me fly, leave this life! abort my energy-consumption!
a never-ending cycle of night and day brings always the same madness.

the mind travels on its ways, loops around itself,
yearning for autonomity, reaching desolation.

phobia, run away, run away! silent pain in darkness,
panic! run away! leave behind.
tragedy, be gone before dismay comes,
be gone.

the mind travels on its ways, loops around itself,
yearning for autonomity, reaching desolation.

a rotten race on a rotten world,
thoughts are bursting out of me 
although I'm part of them myself.
switch out all this uselessness!

turn this planet into an empty stone to restore universal order - Who is speaking out of me?
many creatures die every day - many but not enough - horrid what life turns them into.
exhaustion, the thin cover of forgetting over seething adversity shackles misanthropy.

let me fly, leave this life! abort my energy-consumption!
a never-ending cycle of night and day brings always the same madness!

Mirror Insight

tears, no words - the first day breaks.
I'm appaled at me and progression of time.

exchangeability and uniqueness
antithetic streams, world views...

put at stake durable safety for desire?
lure on to destruction, forsake the helping hand after my rescue
for a path of falseness? will I? 
already a traitor, already left while still here,
devastating streams, forebodings and foresights.

mirror - a confusing image 
these walls have ever been inside me
as it seems. a fatal misconception to outrun
the infectuous mayhem I bear.

a deceptive lure of lightness, defiling siren or evolution?
the faces distort, with me amidst the fray.
where is the plan that guides me?

a trace of despair, the plan's predominant nature
has fate turned the pages? now the roles are reversed,
seem to place me on the other side.
ideal beyond my reach, an even worse ridicule.
even more to lose, while the fundament below is unstable.

a stranger in my own life, spectator, watching the story with estrangement.
in a world, where it's possible to just close and fade out someone.
spectator!

mirror - a confusing image 
the walls have ever been inside me
as it seems. a fatal misconception to outrun
the infectuous mayhem I bear.

I am the mirror of matters - mirror insight -
all that happens reflects on me.
I can see myself mirrored in my deeds.
nothing is uncohesive, nothing is free, determined,
nothing is real, all is determined.

she took the path of destruction, a whole complex 
of correlations has lost solidity. once a thriving structure
crumbles down as lifeless debris.

it was never meant to be, it was out of place.
the original state is reestablished,
the plan has dealt the cards anew.

mirror - a confusing image 
the walls have ever been inside me
as it seems. a fatal misconception to outrun
the infectuous mayhem I bear.

I am the mirror of matters. I can see myself 
mirrored in my deeds - determined.
nothing is uncohesive, nothing is real - mirror insight - all is determined.

Reflections [Instrumental]

Pointless after all

this is the last page.
all has to perish.
destiny's device for me
is an airplane, so a wonderful machine.

take me higher for my fall - an idyllic journey - 
the last one in this life, it's a sunny day.

I'm never coming home.
one step into the air.
the hourglass depletes quickly.
sand in free fall, vanishing like me.

rewind and enjoy

nothing but fading memories will remain.
accept the worthlessness of everything.
all effort was in vain - will be in vain.

take me higher for my fall, nothing but fading memories will remain.
- an idyllic journey -
accept the worthlessness of everything.
- the last one in this life - it's a sunny day.
worthless.

all the exhausting time,
all the compromise and power,
all the pain...
wasted for nothing,
all effort was in vain.

where have the dreams gone?
tired I am .
just one more time an unseen disappearance from here .
let me go, abandon, let me finish this story and rest.

final correction of the fatal fault that caused me
- eternity so close -
fragmentation is undone
as the street races towards me.
like the end of a nightmare
for one last time the candle burns brightly,
fuel is used up,
combustion ends...

fragments are finally merged.

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